let him find you

i'm not sure if i'm going out tonight. cary z's birthday is tonight.. and i've gotten all dolled up but for some reason i can't bring myself to go. i'm sure i will though. so i guess this doesn't matter.



--

let him find you
let him come to you
girl there you go again, don't you know he's not what they say he is?
but if he is, if he's more
just don't go let him go knocking on your door
if he wants in, he's gotta break in, or else he'll just break your broken heart again







so apparently there's this rumor about me being pregnant, i don't know why
i don't really have any enemies that would spread that around, or at least i didn't think so
so i'm sure it was just a misunderstanding, but just in case
false. virgin. thanks.

secrets don't make lovers

i'm running more, trying to get those endorphins up, but nothing seems to work. but if i'm not going to be happy, i may as well be healthy.. drinking lots more water too.
i think i'm going to start writing haikus. they're fun. i went back and read a lot of my old incidental writing from three four years ago..and i was better then than i am now. it's really depressing. it makes me really jealous of myself. i know that sounds extremely strange.




also uh


i give up.
i'll just carry it to the grave.





honey you are a rock upon which i stand
and i come here to talk
i hope you understand

the green eyes
yeah the spotlight shines upon you
and how could anybody deny you?

i came here with a load and it feels so much lighter
now i've met you

honey you should know that i could never go on without you

green eyes

honey you are the sea upon which i float
and i came here to talk
i think you should know

the green eyes
you're the one that i wanted to find
and anyone who tried to deny you must be out of their minds

'cause i came here with a load
and it feels so much lighter since i met you

honey you should know that i could never go on without you

honey you are a rock upon which i stand




--


the brightest green stars:
over our heads as we danced;
staring at the floor

forks

this is a pretty life-altering night

you see, i'd never professed my love before...
but this is how it went

(exact quote here)

"i love you so much and i don't know when i'll stop, if ever. like, i don't think you know, because you don't think you deserve love, but you have all of mine. you don't have to accept it, but it's there. and i don't expect any in return."

i feel like i'm reaching the end of a very long, very windy, very rainy, very scary... but overbearingly beautiful road
i'm not at the end but i've finally got my hands on the wheel
and i'm heading in that direction
well, actually
we're both going that way
in the same car in fact.

i'm not going to hurt you

we're never going to hurt each other again.

shit son

i love art. it isn't about getting it right the first time
or the second or third or fourth..
it's the fact that you can do it over and over again and then emerge out of the darkness with something, and wow everyone with it.
they don't know how many times you fucked it up
they don't know how you felt while you were making it
all that matters is how it makes THEM feel in those few seconds. i mean, i don't know about other artists, but that's what matters to me.

p.s. when you're happy
i'm happy

please stay happy

goddamn you

teach me how to not care
drift away
you're immature and selfish and impossible and irritating
i finally see that the best thing would be to let you go,
but i cannot cast you back into the sea when you've already bit my line

i can't leave you all alone in this world
i can't just leave you
i have to protect you
even though it's killing me

even though it's killing me..

someone teach me how to not care



it really could all be yours, darling... i would wrap it in a box and leave it on your doorstep, without a note
if i knew that you'd accept it

you could change the world..

if you wanted

happy v-day

rick springfield's "what's victoria's secret" and fall out boy's "america's suithearts" have the exact same melody in the chorus

i'm so glad that i am single

books and drugs, who could ask for anything more

i'm one hell of a bookworm as of late.

the heroin diaries - makes me want to try hard drugs
animal farm - makes me glad to be a human
harry potter and philosophy - makes me want to commit suicide because i'm such a nerd (jk though it's really great)
a heartbreaking work of staggering genius - makes me want to go to california

this helps nothing.

i've been thinking about drugs lately. well today. because this morning i snorted a pixie stick again for classroom entertainment, this afternoon i took that drug survey that made me feel like a teenage failure, and this evening i finished the heroin diaries. what i've learned... is drug euphemisms are the prettiest strings of words.

china white
zombie dust
chasing the dragon

what? druggies are fucking poets
seriously, most of them are.
they're like graffiti artists. they've got lots and lots of talent but they just go to all the wrong places. i'm all for graffiti artists.. their shit is awesome. i'm just not sure how to solve their problem of illegality without taking away their very unique creativity as well.. i totally digress.

snorting pixie sticks makes you sneeze, five times in a row.
if that intrigues me, then i'm smart enough to know that i should be scared of what else will.

i wish you knew that you're all that exists in my head

i can't get over how very RIGHT i felt in that rain

desert rain

glory

in the desert rain

i almost ran away to get back in it



maybe it's calling to me

i wanna hug your face!

i dream of you
you dream of me..
secretly i don't want the cycle to end
i feel like i keep so many secrets from you
and yet my heart is right on my damn sleeve

coraline is the strangest effing movie i have ever seen.

a brand new blog

only for the intents and purposes of being utterly, pain-stakingly cryptic
as opposed to the literal whiny jargon found at my livejournal.

planet earth is in my top 50 of favorite things ever
it's tough to be a panda