B:

banana bread, banana splits, band nerds, Barack Obama, Barnes & Noble, the beach, The Beatles, being a straight supporter, Ben Gibbard, Betsey Johnson, blogging, Bob Bryar, Bob Dylan, bonfires, Bonnie Wright, books, bowling, Boy Meets World, boys, Broadway, Brokeback Mountain, brown eyes, bubblewrap

Boy Meets World takes the gold on this one. I love EVERYTHING about this show. It's laugh-out-loud funny, which is great because it's targeted at sort of a younger audience - at first at least. But aside from the hilarity it ensues, it deals with real issues in family, friendships, relationships, and life in a real way. Not like Degrassi real. It truly just feels real. I like the later seasons of BMW better and I'm super stoked to get the DVDs! I remember my favorite episode was always the Halloween one when they were in night detention or something.. "They killed Kenny!" ahahaha I love this show. And Shawn's a hottie.

mmmmmmmm oh my god. There's no better way to ease your conscious while eating mounds of fattening ice cream and whipped cream than by adding some healthy bananas. So delish, like my second favorite dessert! (You shall find out my first favorite next time.)

closets

i entertain my thoughts sometimes by thinking about what people do when no one else is around. i mean, i'd never want anyone to tell me about them though. that'd ruin it. but what i mean is.. like in all those tv shows where the plot of the episode is the kids break into their teacher's house for whatever reason, and they find the teacher doing the oddest things or they have the oddest possessions. like, are people really like that? it's totally possible.. i kind of have my own share of it, i suppose.

hmm anyways.. public enemies on wednesday! :)) oh johnny. ohhhh johnnyyyyy it's been too long. and my sister's keeper sometime this week with my mommy and half-blood prince in just about two weeks! i'm thinking i might take sariah instead of ty for the midnight show.. =/ i'm thinking that the timer's about to go off for he and i.. we both know there's an expiration date. but i'll give it a few more shots.

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prettiest girls! prettiest freakin girls! oh i'm all about zooey atm
yes man = yes. yes yes yes.




oh bonnie <3

GOD YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY

isn't it great when every cheesy pop song that comes on the radio completely describes your life and those are the songs that end up breaking you down?


"here we go again" by demi lovato

I throw all of your stuff away
Then I clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart, and ignore all your messages
I tell everyone we are through
Cause I’m so much better without you
But it’s just another pretty lie cause I break down,
Everytime you come around

So how do you get here under my skin?
I swore that I’d never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go,
Cause here we go, go, go again
Hard as I try, I know I can’t quit
Something about you is so addictive
We’re falling together;
You’d think that by now I’d know
Cause here we go, go, go again

You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane everytime that you look at me
You only hear half of what I say,
And you’re always showing up too late
And I know that I should say goodbye, but it’s no use
Can’t feel with or without you

Oh Oh

So how do you get here under my skin?
I swore that I’d never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go,
Cause here we go, go, go again
Hard as I try, I know I can’t quit
Something about you is so addictive
We’re falling together;
You’d think that by now I’d know
Cause here we go, go, go again
Again, and again and again and again and again

I threw all of your stuff away
And I cleared you out of my head
And I tore you out of my heart

Oh Oh (Oh Oh)

So how do you get here under my skin?
I swore that I’d never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go,
Cause here we go, go, go again
Hard as I try, I know I can’t quit
Something about you is so addictive
We’re falling together;
You’d think that by now I’d know
Cause here we go, go, here we go again
Here we go again
Should’ve known better in trying to let you go
Cause here we go, go, go again (again)
And again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again
And again and again and again and again

hey now

i really need to start writing some productive blogs. let's go.

i'm conflicted in and of my relationship status. i've always been kind of stupid about that "top friend" shit on myspace and facebook? #4 was kind of odd at first but then i was like whatever. but 6? really, 6? am i jealous and paranoid or is that just how it goes? for being the one person who is willing to listen to your shit practically every day..
he's looking into how to make our relationship work during college, but he hasn't fucking kissed me yet!? (i use question marks when i'm really not supposed to) part of me doesn't even want him to anymore. ok now i'm just getting angry. should go to bed..

i'll have a heartbreaking work of staggering genius finished tomorrow. i wanted to finish tonight but i'm unexpectedly tired. i'm desperately hoping the last 20 pages will have a point. maybe i'll write a review. i sit on amazon for whithering hours reading reviews of books but i never write my own. i probably won't.

A:

i came across a blog once where the author made lists of things she liked that start with every letter of the alphabet. so basically i'm ripping her off because it's been a good cure for boredom and kind of fun to think about.


things I like that start with A:

a capella music, acoustic guitar, acting, adrenalin, Aerosmith, airports, Alan Rickman, alcohol, alpacas, America's Next Top Model, androgyny, Animal Farm, animals, Ansel Adams, apartments, AP magazine, apple cider, Aragorn son of Arathorn, art, art galleries, art history, astronomy, attending plays, Audrey Hepburn, Avenue Q

How could you not love this man?! First of all he plays my favorite character in the history of literature... and he does it magnificently. I think the decision to cast Alan as Snape was just so brilliant. He's also in two of my other favorite movies, Love Actually and The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. I do admit his voice never changes in any of his characters but who the heck would want him to?! He's known for his amazing voice that can be the most versatile piece of material without changing a pitch. Alan Rickman's always been one of my faaaaavoritee actors.

And I just freaking love alpacas. It's true, I had an alpaca calendar like four years back. They just have the sweetest little faces and move so cute. awwww

beginning the new chapter, climbing the next mountain, licking the next telephone pole...

longest day of my LIFE and it's 4 in the afternoon. freshmen orientation was stressful. but informing. but retarded. but exciting. but iritating.

it would have helped if i hadn't slept only two hours last night. it's 4 pm and i can't keep my eyes open. but hey, it adds to the learning-about-college experience! this is what it's gonna feel like! hopefully not so much though seeing as my earliest class i have is 11 am. chaaa ching kinda stoked

but god is it gonna be a trip. as in, homework 24/7. idk if i can handle it. definitely going to disney for second semester/forever. baha!

i'm genuinely stoked about my apartment though. i just hope my roommates aren't like any of the girls i met today. (even though currently, the statistics are showing that there's a 100% chance that they will) if so i guess i can stick it out for four months. but i can picture it already - all my black picture frames around my white-painted room, (white walls, man i haven't had white walls since i was like 8! what a fantastic change of pace!) also adorned by my completed art which is very small in number but may slightly grow by the time i actually move (wishful thinking), and all my throw blankets on my twin bed (also a change of pace!) including my ghetto/awesome t-shirt blanket which is halfway completed. i have a slight blanket fetish lately. i mean i just want the whole shebang - the cheesy target-esque "dorm" accessories, the music constantly playing from at least one room in the house. omg going grocery shopping is going to be marvelous! soy milk and baking ingredients galore! lots of fruit too. maybe i'll experiment a little with vegetarianism and tofu. experiments, not promises, sorry boyfriend.

whilst today's journey, i made an observation about utah life/people and i think i'll write an essay about it because in my head it sounds pretty legit. or you know, just a rant here on my pathetic little blog.

i don't think i've ever used so many !'s in one blog.

i've been concentrating on films for the past couple weeks but i'm really cracking down on my reading. i'm seriously determined to finish these books by the end of the summer. seriously. it's happening.


and oh oh one of my favorite things in the world: discovering new vintage shops on ebay with wonderfully low prices and actually NICE vintage clothes!
oh i'm going to be a fucking sore thumb at dixie state.
!

tonight,

twitter is intensity in ten cities. that's all i have to say. like, i'm surprised the media isn't all up on that shit more. you literally get to read into celebrity's lives. where they are, what they're doing, their conversations with other celebrities. it's just craziness, keeps me entertained for a good amount of time.

i feel slightly better tonight.. i think that when people say they're worried, when i'm NOT around or talking about them, i dunno. i guess it means more.

i'm going to start reading more. i told myself i'd finish all of the books i'm in the middle of by the end of the summer, but i've hardly attempted. i just like reading for days on end but it takes a pretty big push to get started. it also makes the hours pass. that's mainly what i'm concerned with.


so the list is:
- watchmen
- lullaby
- a heartbreaking work of staggering genius (which one way or another i seriously need to get back to allison; i fucking hate book "borrowers")
- why art cannot be taught
- harry potter and philosophy
- rant

jesus christ.

well and then i need to borrow the catcher in the rye from tyson and get a hold of sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs because i often forget how crazy i was about chuck klosterman's writing style, and a book called extremely loud and incredibly close because justin pierre tweeted about it, and sometimes i just diligently go to his blogs to look for what he's been reading and watching because i trust his judgement. i was right - wiki'd it and it looks great. run-on sentences ftw.

and i know approx 40 songs on my guitar now.. learning more every day. i guess the summer's been at least minimally productive thus far.

okay i know

yep, it's become a thing. i'm blogging at 3:52 in the morning again. shit i didn't actually realize it was that late.. but i just found out about gerard's baby girl. serious business right?!! i gotta blog!

idk i just thought as a writer and all he'd come up with something better than bandit. o.O i mean, i'm all for badass rock star baby names. i loved bronx. and bandit would have been pretty sweet for a boy.. but a girl?

idk none of my business!

it's easy... all you need is love

i don't remember where i heard it. but it was something about having a different love for a different time in your life. it really struck me and i think it brought me to arrive at my final thoughts on the whole "the one" shit and "true love." here it is:

there's no ONE person that you're meant to love. people aren't put on the earth in pairs. you can't help who you fall in love with; so there's no reason to fret when things get muddled up with that one person. (i just used two of the most notorious words in my boyfriend's vocabulary) there's always going to be someone new. someone new will come along and become the right person for you at that right time in your life. it's both beautiful and horrific.. people coming in and out of our lives, constantly. but hey. my ex justin was great to me..and i had a great time getting to know him and loving him. but in the end, it had to end. and we both had to move on to our next loves. love is trial and error, an assembly line.

except none of those things. love is far more complex than any of us could ever try to compute. we hate it, we love it, we fear it, we crave it, we abuse it.. it makes us do incredible things. it makes us do horrible things. it makes us go on crazy rants at 2 in the morning...


i totally adore the "write letters you would never send" thread on the qzll forums... i wrote this recently. i actually really like it in a literary sense, oddly enough.

Dear You,

It'd be awesome if when you get back from Greece, you swept me up in your arms and kissed me, in front of anyone who happens to be there. Don't you think so?

Love,
Me





anyway i'm just going to sleep with my laptop tonight because i am just so comfortable in my bed right now and IN THE ZONE that i think if i get up to go put it on my desk, then i'll fall right out of THE ZONE and the remaining ten minutes/two hours of my night will be ruined. i want to attempt to write something while i'm IN THIS ZONE.
wow, i wonder how often people think i'm all lucy in the sky.

page 13, room 608

it's strange but i feel like my brain works ten times more analytically now, and i think it's because of English 1010. i mean, analyzing all that literature and poetry... and the way mrs. harris just forced it out of us. (mostly because out of the ten of us, someone had to say something or else she'd go from awesome hippie teacher to scary dragon woman.)
i've been re-reading one of my old ultra long stories every night the past couple nights around this time.. and i've arrived at the idea that i always come back to these stories because it brings me straight back to that wonderful time in my life. well.. as if the previous 8th grade memories blog wasn't a clue. but still. it's a glorious escape. and reviewing my 13-year-old writing style is a bit amusing as well. i still think i was talented. i don't think i was ever as talented as i was at 15 though. i pumped out SO much awesome shit my sophomore year, but unfortunately none of my peers would hardly understand it. i guess it's just a good thing to have for when i need inspiration in myself.
i don't really know where i'm going with this, because again, it's 3:06 in the morning.. i'm also very confused relationship wise and i'm trying to do the right things.
i think i'm realizing something right now. which would be worse - getting hurt like that again, or just losing him completely?

nostalgia in blog form...

a great remedy for my so seemingly nearby loneliness is thinking of 8th grade...

"ava adora," ALLLL the long walks to smith's, making music videos to "boulevard of broken dreams" in the middle of the road in the rain, huddled up in kim's living room watching the breakfast club, extremely long talks at my kitchen table and in my hot tub, always sitting next to trina in english class and never paying attention, shells stand UP!, the entire back story trina and i made up to the MCR cover of spin, taking really really crappy-quality pictures at kim's house to use for story banners, our extremely awkward 8th grade dance, when a moshpit started at the 8th grade dance to "headstrong" by trapt ROFL, brother fitz hahaha, when we rented the porno-esque version of lord of the rings hahahah, chilling at jack in the box with all the other "cool kids" after school, drinking 12 packets of hot sauce at smith's, pretty much eating any kind of concoction the asian table wanted me to eat, wandering around hollywood video forEVER just giving our thoughts on every movie we'd seen, walking like four miles to coldstone and having trina's sister bring us back home because we had no energy to walk back, how starbucks had to put signs on their outside tables that said "for starbucks customers only" because of how kim, julie, and i would always eat our little ceasar's pizza there ahahha, "when the searchlights find us," kim thinking frank's last name was Lero haha oh i love her, my first really awesome student-teacher relationship with mrs. noetzel in the library, vincent telling me everything i ever needed to know about the kkk and designer basketball shoes, and when he showed me a polaroid picture of his penis while we were shelving books, mr. ochterski's fucking weird girlfriend that he paid to come into class sometimes so we wouldn't know he was gay, HAHHAH and vincent and mr. ochterski's secret relationship involving the lotion bottle he always had on his desk ("we don't need no catalysts!" how do i remember this shit?), thinking that "love is the red of the rose on your coffin door, what's life like bleeding on the floor" was the absolute best lyric ever, mr. weigand (who swear to god looked like a beaver) trying to tell off trina for wearing a sex pistols shirt and scrutinizing her religious beliefs ahahahaha, kim's 14th birthday at planet hollywood and the waiter said he'd give me a dollar if i drank a cup of cherry juice - i did and he didn't..., oh yeah worshipping that huge-ass rock!, walking home from school with kim and trina not because we didn't have rides but because we thought it was fun, sandwich day thursdays :D, being total and complete nerds, it was the best... seriously, the. best. days of my life. nothing even compares.







and the fact that all of that and a zillion more incredible encounters all occurred in like six months... i'll never find truer friendships...




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happy birthday babe :) you're my world.

yeah it's 3:18 in the morning...

leave it all to me

"if he doesn't kiss you in the next two weeks, then he has to be gay."

i solemnly, regretfully agree..
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omg i wrote a fucking songggggggggg


these days are filled with long laughs and short gazes
hands clasped in the usual places
i put the water on the stove and wait
til it all boils over, before it’s too late

is this as far as we get?
we’re closer than either of us would like to admit
and like how the waves never quite meet the sea
the moment’s gone, catch and release

my heart’s been ticking like a grand old clock
for the pull in your eyes to force it to stop
i put the water on the stove and wait
til it all boils over, but it doesn’t relate

i don’t care just how far we get
let’s just run as long as time permits
and like how love still won’t pull us back to shore
i’ll savor every crash and love you even more