you saved my life.

"We might never again be as close as we used to be...
but I just wanted you to know that you saved my life."

my favorite part of Annie Hall is the part at the beginning with the class of elementary kids standing up and saying, "i'm a heroin addict." etc. because really, who would have guessed? i imagine all my elementary school friends in that scene... alex standing up and saying, "i live on a farm with my five adopted siblings." kim standing up and saying "i'm my high school valedictorian."

what would i say? "i'm an alcoholic actress?" "i'm a starving artist?"

kim and trina were such a big part of my life... i'm writing this because i just lurked kim's entire blog. she's going places in life... she's so smart and talented, and i'm so upset that she's not even the smallest part of my life anymore. i'm really sad in general that of the three of us, i'm the one that got left behind... kim and trina apparently still she each other often. i haven't seen trina since 9th grade, kim since 10th... i know we have to move on with our lives, but i just wish we could talk.
i wonder if i'm the person that they thought i would be. we all knew kim would be valedictorian and trina would end up in california, because those were their plans. but i didn't really have any plans... it was just as big of a shock to them as it was to me when i found out i was moving to utah. maybe that's what they resent me for. i just ran off on a spurt of spontaneity. but that's my life.. that's still my life. it's who i am.
i never had a 4.0 like either of them, and i was always the "wild one" of the trio, but would they really disapprove of who i am now? is that why we don't talk? i'm still a good person... truly i'm the same person i was in 8th grade. just older.

but... they saved my life. they should know that. they picked me up and fixed me and they didn't even have to try. they should know that. but i don't know how to tell them.


idk...


my birthday's tomorrow and all i have planned is dinner with my parents.
ugh.