i feel so blurry and tired. i feel like i've been getting the best sleep and worst sleep of my life. i'm scared of many things. i'm scared of being alone on christmas. literally, alone; sitting in my apartment completely by myself. i'm scared of never seeing ryan anymore once i start working. i'm scared of this research paper. i always loved english so i'm kind of reluctant to say i'll be glad when it's over, but that's how i feel. i'm scared of what i'll be doing with my life this time next year. these are all such random things, but they're kind of killing me. i hate my bedroom and my apartment and just college. i'm always making excuses to get away from all of the above. i'd rather sleep in ryan's bed than mine though it's not possible. i'd rather be anywhere than class. dixie is such a joke of a school.
and i'm really not this depressed and upset and angry, i'm actually feeling really good. but for finally being free, life could be SO much better, you know?
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