so little time

my emotions have two options right now:
liberation
or depression.
right now i'm stuck on the latter, but there's a little sliver inside of me that's saying the former will soon arrive. this feeling that i have no idea what's going on is so fucking scary. but it's also complete liberation, i guess. in what could be less than a month, i could be anywhere, doing anything. i could be genuinely thrilled, or i could be even more horribly depressed.

so many options:
1. move to a new apartment at red sands. take the risk of having even worse roommates, but still, get away from my psycho ones.
2. move in with ryan and his parents for the time being. bold move, i wouldn't be sure how to go about that.
3. find a completely new student apartment. would be really difficult to achieve in so little time.
4. sell my contract, quit school, and move to portland with ryan right now.

i'm so unhappy here. i'd be happy if i had my own apartment in a nice city with ryan and found a job and worked full time. college is not making me happy whatsoever. it's wasting my time, really. time that i'm trying really desperately to preserve and use to my advantage.