i'm definitely a list-maker

It's the one thing this blog is still good for!


Things I definitely need to invest in with my summer money:

- A really really good pair of skinny jeans. I will pay any price if they actually fit me like a normal person.
- A nice black blazer.
- A small, classy handbag with a long chain/strap. Getting really sick of my huge bags.
- Still on the lookout for a leather jacket.

I'll think of more!

We're not getting any younger.

Get off of my runway.

This blog is basically dead. Once I move to Salt Lake, I think I want to start a real blog anyway with real followers and whatnot, where I can write about my new adventures. And it IS going to be an adventure. It's not a dream anymore, and it's worth fighting for.

I'm always in the dark.

As much as I love Don't Stop Believing, Defying Gravity, Don't Rain On My Parade, all those popular ones... I've never been quite as inspired as I was by this song. Adding in that whole ballet number just amped up the talent. Ahhhhhhhhh I love it.

And I'm still holding out for Rachel and Finn btw.

amongst the waves.

Things I need to invest in within the next few years:

canon camera
artistotle bike
blu-ray player/PS3
my own wiiiiii
huge LCD TV (splitting the cost with Ryan, of course)
coachella every year

...and it's probably a good thing the list isn't any longer than that haha :) Unfortunately, whenever I come into a lot of money (i.e. birthday, Christmas) I always just go shopping for clothes! It's unstoppble.

I'm spending my precious studying time by just window shopping and daydreaming some more about my apartment. Ugh. But I finished up registering for classes in the fall! Which is pretty exciting. I'm excited for 20th Century Fashion, which has nothing to do with my major, but I feel my college experience wouldn't be quite complete without a couple fashion courses. "Psychology of Clothing" will definitely be next.

I'm a rattlesnake, babe.

Got the cutest outfit yesterday! I love this shirt! So excited.

Jeez I am pretty damn happy.

I'm realizing that out of all the people in the world, I like myself more than all of them.
:)

What a wonderful day I have had! I put together the cuuuuuutest outfit (always makes a day better) - black leggings with the above shirt, teapot necklace, and my new beret from Urban Outfitters. It's the cutest thing ever and I'll get tons of use out of it in Salt Lake in the winter. ANYWAY, started the day with a Starbucks passion tea, then went to buy back my textbooks at the bookstore and got totally ripped off. Oh well. Then my music final. (I think I did pretty good.) Then had lunch at Pirate Island Pizza with Ryan! Oh I love that place :) And tonight will be a pretty good night too ;)

My blogs are so unorganized. I wish I was a better blogger. One day when I have a nice camera I really do want to start a frequently-updated, organized, popular fashion blog. I feel like my shitty camera does neither my outfits, nor my looks in general, any justice. And editing them takes way too long. Anyway.. sladky sneety :)

of this much i am certain

"Is it fun to do? Yes. Is it fun to watch? Yes.
That's theater."
- my acting professor, genius. Acting is probably one of the hardest things in the world to teach, and he's the best teacher I've ever had.

So sad to be leaving the Dixie theater department :( So sad.

omg

I like who I am.

it's time for a new jamie

The new and improved Jamie:

is going to be way happier thanks to anti-depressants.
is giving up drugs and alcohol.
is giving up coffee and coca-cola.
is going to eat much healthier via cooking at home!

Perhaps this is a lot to take on all at once. I'll slowly stop the caffeine because that will honestly be the hardest. But the drugs and alcohol will not. It's so completely unhealthy and I hate how I am when I'm under the influence of either one. So they just have no place in my life.

I want to eat much healthier. Clean Eating magazine is so inspirational! And the food looks so delicious. The only thing is I can't really afford that many ingredients right now. But I'll do what I can :)

one week!

"Easter" Weekend

Every weekend should be this great :) Friday night was a beer pong party/tournament at Carson's. My boyfriend was the extremely drunk champion!

And all day yesterday, we went to the Arts Festival which was amazing, and got lattes at 25 Main. We saw a few friends we haven't seen in a while, and met some nice folk at a new gallery called The Pod, where a painting of mine and one of Ryan's will be hung for the next 4-6 weeks! How exciting is that! I've wanted for so long a place to show my art. Now I'm just completely inspired to paint some more, and because of Christina, to play my guitar some more.

Then last night Ryan and I relaxed and watched High School Musical 2 after the long day at the Arts Festival. (We're watching HSM3 tonight, sooo much better!:)) Then we went to a party at Kyle's. So much fun! We consumed large quantities of gin (my weakness), played golf, became cross-dressers, and had a dance party to At The Drive-In. Then Ryan took me home and I watched the last episode of Glee because I am ever so stoked for the new "season" :DDD I cried again at the very end!

Fantastic weekend. Today: laundry, homework, High School Musical 3.

And tomorrow!!!: Ryan's 23rd birthday!! Plans: After school, I bring a Java Chip from Starbucks (his favorite) and his presents to his house (American Eagle hoodie, iTunes gift card, and Almost Famous DVD.) Then we leave for Vegas, go shopping at H&M so I can buy him these Star Wars underwear he's been wanting and an outfit for myself for his party on Tuesday night. Apple store to play with the iPad! Then GameWorks! Then dinner. What a great day it will be. Happy birthday babyy.

I'm trying to refrain from writing these vague posts, but, I need more of something. Or less. I don't know.

in my book, short days equal very, very long nights

I have a great number of things to say but no way of saying any of them.

outfit for my roommate's nephew's 2nd birthday party:


cardigan: forever 21, top: urban outfitters, glasses: hot topic, bracelet: modcloth

perhaps vampires is a bit strong

I had an audition today, and I think it went well. If my competition included more talent, I'd have lower hopes, not to say that nobody who auditioned was good, but there was only 26 of us, I believe. And for three plays, that's 8 or 9 actors for each play.. But regardless of that encouraging statistic I'm not getting my hopes up. But seeing Macbeth last night was so inspiring; if I could just go to plays constantly, then I would be constantly inspired, and probably a much better actress.


top, cardigan, and beret: forever 21

This wasn't my outfit today, but this last Saturday - a beautiful Saturday, rainy and lazy, and studying and reading at 25 Main for the afternoon with rain pouring on the windows was so picturesque I could barely stand it. I also got myself a red beret last Friday in Vegas - it's not a legit French one or anything but it'll do for now. And I adore this new white shirt - unlike my beret it feels so French. I auditioned in it today. It leaves a nice impression.

So I'll just be waiting anxiously for the next few days. Being cast in a play right now is not only just something I would really enjoy, but it would solve a lot of problems - mainly relationship ones. We're both scared because we've lost our individuality - the very things that attracted us to one another. Our independence. And I need something in my life that's solely mine and somewhere to go and be, without my boyfriend. I'm actually currently really scared for my relationship, and I don't know if I'm just reading too much into it or what.

P.S. I've quit smoking weed for good and I'm not going to drink any alcohol in excess (so probably not at all). I've come to hate the person I am when I'm under the influence of those things. And I truly never thought I'd be saying this, I thought that people who say this are just stuck up. But it's all finally showed me what it can do to me and I really really hate it.

to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die

I have the feeling 25 Main just keeps getting better. Probably thanks to customers like me. This utterly delightful latte is only $3.16, which is much less than Starbucks. I've been very successful at kicking the Starbucks addiction! I had a chai frap last night but it was the first in about a week. I've definitely been saving a lot more money than I usually do and that's pretty satisfying.

I am excited for tomorrow. I'll finally be done with my monologue in acting class and then Vegas with Ryan. I'll be purchasing a Diana camera and I'm stoked :) I'm also raking up a pretty long wishlist on Forever 21. As follows:





these last two paired together:





I've also become obsessed with interior decorating as I'm getting excited about my own apartment. I'll post a wishlist of sorts eventually.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

must-haves for my wardrobe:
red beret
black beret would be nice too
shiny black leggings
opaque red tights
black blazer
leather jacket (i've never felt the desire for one until now)


ASAP, PLZ, TY

the weakends

I've finally realized how much money I could save if I stopped going to starbucks. I mean I love this stuff but it's not worth the money I spend almost everyday. 4 bucks X 7 days = $28 a week. I should definitely be saving that.

I've also indefinitely discovered the glory of cragislist. It's a goldmine for the unemployed. I'm going to sell so much shit. I'm excited to sell my camera and buy a better one. Then I can really get this blog into full swing. Haha.

just hold my hand, i think that that would help

i think i would really love to start a fashion blog. but first, i need a better source of income in order to keep revamping my wardrobe for the better. sometimes i really wish i had kept all the receipts to everything in my closet and that return policies didn't include expiration dates so that i could just return everything i own and start from scratch. oh how lovely that would be.

my hair is in a very awkward stage because it's much shorter in the back of the top of my head than everywhere else. so i'm going through one of those times where i have to pull it back halfway or in a ponytail every day. i kind of like it though because it's been since november that i've been able to put it in a ponytail at all.



i'm wearing a dress ryan bought me when we went down to vegas on valentine's day. this was my valentine's day by the way.





vosges chocolates are our obsession. we had dinner at circo at the bellagio, and i wish i'd gotten just a little iphone shot of our little corner of the restaurant. it was so quiet and next to these big windows that looked out behind the water show. it was quite pretty.

today's plans are psychology homework @ starbucks, and karaoke night @ applebee's.

i really should start taking my camera around with me more. i really should.

i do i do i do

i get really teary-eyed when i think about my future wedding, and listen to my "wedding" playlist. what's better for first dance: across the universe, or wonderwall?

i don't think i can stand until valentine's day to give this to him. especially since we're moving everything into our room on saturday! :}



also, ghetto headshot!



to go for it or not to go for it? i just don't know.

i also found a new monologue for acting class that describes exactly how i feel about acting. so it's going to turn out very good. it's pretty long though =/ and i must memorize at light-speed. take luck.

"It was in the third grade, when they took us for a field trip to see Richard III in Boston. I'd never seen a live play before, and I didn't understand what was going on up there, but I could tell that there was a whole bunch of people hating each other, going to war against each other, and just plain killing each other - kind of like all the wars and murders I heard about on the news. The last hour, I was really spacing out, desperately bored and upset with it all, wanting to go back to class and just take a spelling test or draw a picture. Then finally it ended and they closed the curtain. But then - right then - they did something that I wasn't ready for. They opened the curtain again, and there was everybody who'd been running around hating each other and killing each other for the last three and a half hours - they were all up there, holding hands, smiling at each other, patting each other on the back, smiling at us, taking a nice bow, and that was when it really hit me. Hit me hard. They looked so beautiful, so peaceful and loving. Richard the Third was standing right next to the woman he'd murdered, and she was holding his hand and smiling at him as if they were about to go get something to eat together as soon as they washed off their make-up and changed their clothes. And I had that picture in my head all the way back in the bus, and I lay awake in my bed practically all that night, thinking, that's what the world needs. We need to get the U.N. to pass a resolution that on a certain Sunday, everybody in the world - the President of the United States, the head of Russia, the murderers, the bank robbers, millionaires, coal miners - will just line up and hold hands and take a bow. Dead people, too. I decided that dead people would suddenly be able to get up off the floor, walk over to the guy who killed them, and say, "Good show, good show. Ladies and gentlemen, we were only kidding. It was all a story. We really all love each other, and now we're going to change out of our costumes and have a party. You can all come too. Cake and cookies and wine, all on us!" And that's why I wanted to act: so I could do that. Whether I was playing Snow White or the stepmother, Cordelia or Lady Macbeth, I wanted people to see me get up off the floor and take my place in line, smiling and holding hands with everybody, so I could give them a taste of what it would be like if the whole fucking world could take a curtain call."

life is about to get substantially better.

all problems: solved.


goals: study harder. laugh more, now that it's possible. enjoy college.


moving in one week :D

baby and me

i love you more than earth.
and we are going to have a wonderful year on it.

i hate my roommates.

jesus and mary chain, i hate my roommates.

they spend their weekends by sitting in the dark all day and watch cheerleading movies and movies with actresses like hillary duff and selena gomez and the whole time they say, "this movie is so dumb." BUT THEY KEEP WATCHING! THEY WATCH THE WHOLE THING! oh and at times like RIGHT NOW, they sit on the couch and watch football and do the man clap when something good happens. (CLAP. CLAP. CLAP.) but thankfully since jamee left there seems to be less playing dress-up and nsync and aaron carter. i kid you not. you can't write this stuff!

and honestly, if i ever thought i would meet a 19-year-old who couldn't spell "great" or "adventure." then, what.

but what i really hate is just their attitudes. i'm not THAT judgemental as to dislike them just because of the above items. i kind of feel bad complaining about it, but.. really? ugh. i wanted SO bad to come to college and be best friends with my roommates and we would share our interests with one another. but i think it was at about the time when i was watching Network in the living room and kayla said, "i don't think i would like this. it's just like one of those movies, you know" that i realized it wouldn't work. culture clash is all it is. i suppose the only way to react is in equivalence.

true depression.

it's official.

i have a bonafide shopping addiction.

what's wrong with me? i've spent about $81 in the last three days on clothes. yes this robe is the softest most amazing thing i've ever felt and it's probably the most practical thing i've bought, but i'm pretty sure i bought those pj shorts JUST because they have penguins on them and they were on sale. and i'm pretty sure i only bought that modcloth dress this morning because it was on sale for $19 and originally $62. and then i thought "well, and i've also wanted this $15 bracelet for soooo long, i may as well add it to this order." and yesterday, i was simply bored and bought two tops at american eagle.

D: i don't even realize i'm doing this! solution: no more internet shopping for clothes. not even LOOKING. or mall browsing. or target - only for food. i'm only going to look at apartments and cameras online, because those are the things i'm really saving up for. they're the things i really need, and, apartments especially, give me inspiration and motivation.

i guess i feel really horrible because i've spent all this money and now i hardly have enough for ryan's valentine's present. but i don't know what the boy wants anyway.

i was meant for applause

i'm building a future for myself! how exciting it is to finally have settled on something!

for now i'm actively searching for a job in st. george. and depending on if/when/what job i get, i may stay here for the summer or move up to salt lake in june. if i get a job at 25 main, which i'm going to ask about next time i go in there, i'll definitely stay until early august. but then i'm going to salt lake community college for two years for baking. AND they have theater classes there too so i can take musical theater this fall! SOOOOOOO HAPPYYY!!!!!! i'm sure it won't be nearly as fun as it'd be with my professor at dixie, but i'm just excited to do musical theater again. and be on a stage.

my mom's agreed to pay $300 of me and ryan's rent each month in salt lake, so if we both have a job up there, we shouldn't have anything to worry about money-wise. and i'll be able to visit austin and alysha all the time and have friends! ohhhhhh it's going to be so much better than my current all-around situation. i'm so excited.

i was meant for derision,
nothing short of fate itself
has affected my decision.

i want to start something

two modcloth gifts came in today! my penguin mug from ryan that he was gonna give me for valentine's day but i made him give it to me cuz he's a sucker, and my secret santa gift!



that headband is magnificent in real life, and looks so good on my head! now i can search for a modcloth dress to match it :] thanks modcloth!

it's quite funny how optimistic reading cosmopolitan makes me. i simply feel like i need to take better care of myself. the past day or two i've been quite upset because

- i'm starting to feel the real pressure of deciding what to do this summer and fall.
- i could only manage to get 12 credits this semester, so if i do have to stay at dixie next year, i won't have my scholarship anymore.
- i miss my fwends in salt lake.
- i still hate living in my apartment. ryan and i were totally going to move in with creed and brittany, until i played with their new kitty and had a horrible allergic reaction.
- ryan has two jobs now which is good because A: he'll be making so much more money and B: he's cooking in the nicest restaurant in st george, which makes him happy, so i'm happy. but, it's also depressing because i'll virtually never see him except before bed and for ten minutes in the morning and because it reminds me how much fucking trouble i'm having obtaining a job myself, whilst he can just walk in and ask for one and get it.

but i'm feeling optimistic!

- the time away from ryan will help our relationship, in a way. i'm not sure i need more time alone, but i need more time to be productive, i think.
- i deep conditioned my dead, fried, black hair and it's back to its original soft silkiness :) which is actually a HUGE relief because i thought it would be dead forever from dying it black. and i'm actually really happy with it right now. the length is good.
- acting class has already totally improved my life. my professor is so legit, and my classmates aren't all total freaks. it's so fun. part of me almost wants to go back to dixie next year just so i can take musical theater from my professor. i don't really want to do theater at u of u or anything because they're way too good for me up there.
- taking 12 credits is kind of lazy, as i said, but also so amazing only having classes three days a week!
- SAN FRANCISCO and WICKED over spring break!!


gym time!

twenty ten!

so... wow. i was reading some of my old blog posts from early 2009, late 2008... and i was not happy. i claimed that i was at times, but hearing myself describe what used to make me happy is pretty absurd. and i feel so strange reliving my high school days. it's so, so, so far behind me. the future is all that really matters. and the fact that i am finally, really, truly, completely, honestly happy.